the desert

Bitch I lived lmao

A lot has changed really quickly and I’m still pretty overwhelmed and I don’t know how to tell what happened. But it’s Friday, which is blog day, so I showed up. Here I am.

Shit I really don’t know where to start.

I guess I’ll start with this: I’m stretched out in the back of Neal and Julian’s stupid ass car. We’re somewhere in New Mexico. We’re listening to Lou Reed. The windows are down. Neal’s driving. Julian is napping, his seat leaned back over my feet. I don’t know where we’re going.

I’ve never been in a desert. There’s something comforting about it. Like, it’s not going to get any worse than it already is in a desert. It’s peaceful. It’s like the ocean, but quieter, more patient.

I’m okay. I mean, I’m okay right now. We stayed in a motel last night and I had a total panic attack. I sat in the (gross, low pressure motel) shower for so long that Julian knocked on the door to check on me. I’ve been asleep in the back of the car for most of today, and when I woke up there was a brand new iPad waiting for me. So that’s what I’m writing on.

I had to leave all my old stuff behind. My phone, my computer, all my clothes, my sketchbooks, everything I own — it’s all still in my bedroom.

I’m never going back to Black Lake WA. I’m trying not to think about it too much.

Hahahahahaha god if anyone’s reading this they’re probably pissed right now ahhahaahahahaha. I swear I’m not being deliberately obscure I just can’t really handle any of the things right now so instead I’m Not handling the things. I have one great talent in this life and it’s not handling things well so I’m just gonna go ahead and lean into that 👌🏻

But look I showed up so give me some credit. I’m alive, I’m okay and I’m only getting better

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