cali fuckin fornia


cali fuckin fornia.png

Guess where I woke up this morning.

Neal woke me up early, right when dawn was first turning the sky blue. I thought he was just being an ass but then I caught his grin in the rear view.

We were parked on a two lane high way I won’t mention just in case the feds are reading this.

The only thing between our bumper and the ocean was a few yards of sand and beach grass.

Cali fucking fornia

I think I’m gonna take a break from posting. Probably just for a couple months or so. Mostly I just don’t have much to say, but also we really are being followed by the feds. Saturday night we had to climb out a motel bathroom window to avoid our favorite X-Files-But-Meaner agents. I’d really hate for them to find us because my dumb ass kept a blog.

The panic attacks are less consistent now, but in case you were concerned I might be getting some respite don’t worry — now I’m having flashbacks to being shot in the face. And honestly, that’s cake compared to the nightmares I’ve been having. Every night all I see is Madelyn and whatever it is I glimpsed in that cave. She said that if I went back into the dark I’d forget what happened, but obviously I haven’t. We think it’s because I drank from the stream, but we don’t know anything for certain.

I’m so tired. Madelyn said I wouldn’t like what drinking from the stream would do to me, but so far the only thing I really don’t like is the dread of not knowing.

On the other hand I woke up in California this morning.

We climbed over the guard rail and ran all the way to the water. It felt good to run. It felt good to get some salt in my hair. It felt good to put my feet in the ocean and kick at the spray. It felt super good to push Neal in. I mean it felt good to me anyway, he was less into it hahahaha

In an alternate universe — a better one, where Madelyn really did just run off to sleep on a beach and find herself — I went to that beach with Tilly and Georgia not the Hawthorne brothers. We climbed out of the car and walked through the sand to find a little driftwood fort. We woke Madelyn up and brought her hot fresh coffee. We laughed at her for smelling like low tide. The four of us walked back to the car together. We didn’t go back to Black Lake. We went anywhere we wanted.

But like idk this version wasn’t so bad.

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